"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
