I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
