He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
