My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
