I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
