you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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