you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
