Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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