So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
