Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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