if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
