mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
