Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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