my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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