Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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