just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am one with the molecules
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
