I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
