I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
