i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
