shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
