He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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