Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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