i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
