tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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