I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
