I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
