whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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