sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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