I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
