I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
