he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
