She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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