Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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