She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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