I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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