Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
