my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
