Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
