yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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