The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
