Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
