John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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