the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
