Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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