Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
