i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize