I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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