Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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