there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
