Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
