went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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