I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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