Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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