I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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