I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
