did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
