My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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