smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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