no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize