I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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