guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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