Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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