If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
