i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
