I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
