For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
