Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
