I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
